Say Hello to My Ridiculous Keyboard

El Keyboard Ridiculoso

In March I got a fantastic bonus from one of my clients (it was via the “top writer of the month” and “high rollers club” bonuses that they’ve implemented, which totaled $700). Sadly, this was given in the form of American Express gift cards; I’d been hoping for an over-sized check.

I was asked what I’d spend this bonus on, and my first thought was “a llama.” However, that idea never panned out (I have no yard, llamas are expensive to feed, etc.). Instead, I started upgrading computer components and buying random stuff that I’ve been wanting for a while (e.g., a couple video games, the Oatmeal book, deodorant, a hitman).

My most recent computer component was a keyboard that I bought for its ergonomic rating. (The only keyboard that did better than the purchased model, actually, cost $200 and came alive to massage your hands every few hours.) The one I bought was titled the “Microsoft Natural Ergonomic Keyboard 4000.”

It fills me with no small degree of shame that I actually paid money for something that has the number “4000″ in the title. Because, really, can’t we just call it the “4″? And, yes, buying from Microsoft always makes me shiver – but, then, what corporation isn’t evil these days? What made my head spin the most, though, was just how ridiculous the keyboard is.

The picture above doesn’t give it credit. This keyboard could eat my old unit and still have room for a 20 oz steak and an onion blossom; this keyboard could win a strong man contest; this keyboard – this particular keyboard – could survive the apocalypse. Of course, a lot of the thing’s size is from the new music commands at the top and the ambiguously firm padding at the bottom. Still, the sheer magnitude of the beast has thrown me off.

The information I found on this keyboard before buying it told me that it would take a while to get used to, but after I would have an even faster type-speed and more comfort. Well, considering I already have a 119wpm, I’m hoping to reach ludicrous speeds with this recent development. In the meanwhile, the keyboard is re-educating me on some basics. For example, I shouldn’t try to push the “Y” key with my left hand, the “B”  key with my right hand, or the spacebar with my elbow.

This is a real experiment for me, since I’ve always used the non-split keyboards in the past. I’m curious how this thing will shake out in the coming months. In the meantime, I can at least gain some “manly reassurance” by having a gigantic, ridiculous keyboard.

Have any of you found a keyboard that works perfectly? Anyone know my model? Has anyone tried that trippy moving keyboard? Let me know in the comments, below.