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Green Eggs & Ham: A Novelization – Part 5 & 6

My “9 Tricks for Organic Dialogue” used a spoof novelization of a scene from Green Eggs & Ham. One thing led to another, and now I’m writing a dramatic novelization of this Seuss classic. This post contains part three and four. You can check out parts: one and two, three and four, and now—for your reading pleasure—parts five and six.

Green Eggs and Ham: A novelization.

Part Five

Culinary artists learn early on that a great dish can seem mediocre if the plating’s off and even a lackluster main course can be memorable with that little bit of garnish, the drizzle of sauce, and the classy environment to eat it in. For that reason, it felt pretty weird putting one of my best dishes on a paper plate set with a plastic knife and fork. I did what I could to make it all harmonize with a drizzle of pesto, a sprig of parsley, and a lemon.

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What Is a Metaphor? 17 Definitions [a poem]

Metaphors Be With You
To read more about metaphors, check out my lesson series on the topic. If you’re looking for a more concrete (and less demonstrative) definition of metaphor, check out Metaphor Basics: The Definition and Structure of a Metaphor.


17 Definitions of Metaphor

I. A metaphor is a figure of speech
that directly compares two objects
that don’t match until the objects are matches
striking in strong winds, dancing their white-orange
beacons on the top of their two-inch lighthouses as
the wind catches fire.

II. A metaphor climbs to the cliffside,
sends a stone sailing through the air,
carefully watching it soar so
it can understand the ways birds
don’t fly.

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Dear Lack of Follow-Through: A Letter to My Anti-Muse

This is my example piece for the “Letter to Your Anti-Muse” writing exercise (link pending).


Dear Lack of Follow-Through:

I really appreciate the years we’ve spent together. Those were some great times we had, weren’t they? You’re really great in a lot of ways: You encourage me, you tell me to jump on every wild idea I have, you fuel my creative mind. But I just can’t do this anymore.

It’s not you. It’s me. I can’t take the constant psychic weight of all my “current projects.” I have nine half-finished short stories, three half-finished novelettes, 26 half-finished blog articles, three half-finished books … I could go on.


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Dear Pain: A Letter to My Muse

Muse letter exercise.This is my example piece for the “Letter to Your Muse” writing exercise.

Note that my example is written in a lyric prose style. This is by no means a mandatory part of the assignment. Use your own voice and preferences; you can do anything ranging from an un-tethered rant to a direct imitation of invocations of the muse found in epic works.


1/14/13

Dear Pain:

You brittle bitch. You river nymph. You slut. Who hasn’t slept in your embrace? You hit my life like a storm of ice-shards the size of golf balls.

But you can be so beautiful. When life has no happiness to give me, you’ve been there to show me what’s left. I saw the beauty and depth within you as I stared into your eyes. Your cold fingers settled against the back of my neck and you whispered, “It only hurts because it matters.”


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Green Eggs & Ham: A Novelization – Part 3 & 4

My “9 Tricks for Organic Dialogue” used a spoof novelization of a scene from Green Eggs & Ham. One thing led to another, and now I’m writing a dramatic novelization of this Seuss classic. This post contains part three and four. You can check the first two parts here.

Green Eggs and Ham: A novelization.

Part Three

If you give a stray scraps of meat, it’ll keep coming back. Eventually, it’ll make pitiful yowling noises outside your door. That’s the short version of how I wound up adopting Fiona Rebecca Alberti the Third, the unofficial mascot of the Alpha Tau fraternity house.

She was a collective secret. No animals were allowed, but all of everyone helped me tuck her away. Her nickname amongst the Alphas was “frat cat,” but I told her—told Fiona, that is—that she was too much of a princess for a name like that. I scratched her behind the ears and told her “FRAT” was just an abbreviation. Fiona Rebecca Alberti the Third. Feline royalty.

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Green Eggs & Ham: A Novelization – Part 1 & 2

I used a spoof-novelization of a scene from Green Eggs & Ham in a December article of mine. One surprisingly popular comment was: “Now I really want to read a dramatic novelization of Green Eggs and Ham.” My response was, “Challenge accepted.” I’ll talk more about this challenge in another post. For now, let’s leap into my novelized version.

Green Eggs and Ham: A novelization.

Part One

If you want to know more about me, you’re reading the wrong story. Maybe after I die some out-of-work biographer will stumble across my obituary and decide I need to a proper burial of words. Who will this biography say I am? I have no idea

How does anyone answer the question of “who” they are? Are we what we like? What we do? Where we go? The people we care about or the memories we make? It’s all too complex for me, and God knows this world has its fill of people—of philosophers and songwriters—trying to answer that question already. I won’t chime in. But if you really need to know who’s telling you this story, here goes:

I am Sam.

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